As a small business owner, I make countless decisions every day. Most are minor, but collectively, they shape our business’s success and how I feel about myself.
The same is true in life – our choices, big or small, shape our experiences and the way we see or feel about ourselves.
But decision-making isn’t just about logic; it’s also about self-belief. The confidence we have in our own judgement influences the paths we take, the risks we embrace and the way we handle setbacks.
Roy Disney once said, “Decisions are easy when you know your values“. I think that’s totally true.
Yet, unless you’re a narcissist, decisions often involve compromise, self-doubt and moments of hesitation. And more often than not, we judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else ever could or would.
Yesterday, for example, my wife Kathryn faced a setback when she was rejected for a project she was highly suited to.
While the rejection itself was disappointing, what stung most was the impersonal way it was delivered. A few small details could have made a big difference, as rejection often leads to self-doubt.
Most nights, especially in the warmer months, Kathryn and I walk down to the beach and around “the block” (coastal path). These walks have become our way of processing the day’s ups and downs.
Last night, we talked about her setback and agreed not to focus on proving anyone wrong, but to focus on proving ourselves right. In other words, let bad news go and keep believing in what we’re doing.
That’s not easy and, for years, I feel I was partially driven by the desire to prove others wrong (mainly my parents!). Looking back, I don’t think that’s a healthy mindset.
Kathryn, by contrast, has always been much better at handling disappointment. While she has a competitive side, she’s better at accepting things and moving on.
Unable to sleep last night, reflecting on this, I realised something: because soft natured people tend to take setbacks quietly, without creating a commotion, the emotional toll can be exhausting.
The upside, however, is this: I believe soft natured people develop a deep determination towards achieving their goals and often have the resilience to stay committed to them.
Whether that’s true or not, if you’re struggling with self-belief or if someone / something has knocked your confidence, just remember – setbacks are often an important step to ultimately arriving at a better place: “You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness”. (Jonathan Safran Foer)
* * * * * * * * * * *
I often feel like the underdog, and I deliberately embrace this identity at times.
Hence the tag, “The Underdog”.